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Teachers Jokes

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

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Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"

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A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, he class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

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A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense.
There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them; "The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."

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On the way to lunch, a teacher spotted two boys playfully fighting. She asked one of the boys to go to the back of the line and he came back right after.” Why aren't you at the end of the line?" asked the teacher. The boy replied," I couldn't, someone was already there."

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

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A fifth grader class was on an educational trip. As they rode along in the school bus, the teacher noticed that one boy was lying facedown in the aisle of the bus with his hands over his eyes. “Why are you lying in the aisle like that.”
“Well,” said the boy, “if you don't see anything, you don't have to write anything.”

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Teacher: Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of
Baseball
Jonah: Here's my paper
Teacher: Jonah, you spent only one minute writing your essay
Lets hear what you wrote
Jonah: Game called off on account of rain

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In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O'Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object.”
Paul replied. “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher I the school.”
“Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O'Neill, “but what is the object?”
“To get the best mark possible,” said Paul

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Mrs. Smith, I ain't got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don't have any crayons.
You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons.
They don't have any crayons.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?

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“How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it's the answers I have trouble with!”

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie.... . Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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Teacher: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Cindy: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom – his hands were dirty.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”

Smiling the boy replied, “I think I'd be too polite to mention it.”

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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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“What did your mother do yesterday morning. Vicky?”
“She done her shopping, ma'am.”
“Done her shopping, Vicky? Where's your grammar?”
“She done her shopping as well, ma'am.”

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A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to reed and write"
The administrator said, "Yes we can, just fill out this form

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

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“It's no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, 'I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher, “but you only have two ears, son.”
“You see, sir,” I'm no good at math, either!”

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